adam m burkheart

month

April 2013

1 post

"Adam, stop eating on my couch."

“Adam, stop letting Cruz eat on the couch.” “Adam, stop watching the tv with the volume so high. Cruz will go deaf.” “Adam, stop ignoring me when it comes to my couch.” “Adam, stop.” “Adam. MY COUCH.” This woman and her obsession with the couch.

February 2013

49 posts

raphaelleburkheart-d: Raphi sighed, shaking her head. She knew she shouldn’t have expected a different reaction, it had been wishful thinking. She desperately wanted to brush this away as she was feeling embarrassed, like she’d over reacted. Raphaelle knew the kind of man she married, it’d been stupid of her to think he’d act any differently to what she was used to. “You don’t have to go if you...

raphaelleburkheart-d: Raphaelle slowly backed away, frowning. “You’re upset. I get it.” She ran her hands through her dark hair, making her way to the couch. trying not to tear up. This really wasn’t how she wanted this discussion to go. Surprise, she could understand, but she wanted him to be happy, and it was clear he wasn’t. “I’ll take care of it in the morning, she said, laying down, not...

raphaelleburkheart-d: “I know, Adam. I think I’d actually fall over from shock if you ever actually gave me a detailed answer.” She chuckled, then she looked crestfallen when Adam replied, “I know you heard me the first time, Adam.” She said. She didn’t know if she was excited or not, but his reaction would have made her feel a lot better if it had sounded the least bit...

raphaelleburkheart-d: “How vague of you.” She said, her smile not faltering for a moment. She stood up walking over to greet him properly with an overly affectionate hug and kiss. “Cruz is upstairs asleep, the baby sitter left just a bit ago…” Her words trailed off, she bit her bottom lip as she saw the look on her husbands face and all of a sudden the words began to spill out of her mouth in an...

raphaelleburkheart-d: Raphaelle gave a delayed response, finally turning her head to give him a weak smile. She noted the furrowed brow, his signature look when it look when it came to her. “Hello, Adam.” She said almost timidly as she then licked her lips, trying to remove any worry from her face. She knew if he said, he’d ask and Adam always managed to get information out of her with a slight...

raphaelleburkheart-d: Raphaelle steeped through the door of her hum, slightly exasperated as she took a seat on her beloved couch, her mind still reeling from todays results. She turned on the TV to drown out her own thoughts not even bothering to change the channel from ESPN. She wasn’t quite with the rest of the universe, for tonight, she was still stuck in her own head. Monday...

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

raphaelleburkheart-d: Well it doesn’t matter, collar #27 is a perfect addition Can you do me a favor? This is going to sound really corny and I know how yo are about corniness, so bare with me. I need you, to rub my stomach, I am quite queasy. Okay.. I guess I can do that. Queasy? Did you have something bad today?

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

raphaelleburkheart-d: But she needs to match me when I go out, that’s the point of buying a purse dog, so you can love it, treat it like one of the family and accessorize with it. I don’t get it. Whatever, I’m not going to get into the Whitney subject.

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

raphaelleburkheart-d: I did, but you’re welcome and I’m not sure what your point is on that collar thing Yes! Ben’s great with that sort of thing. What I mean is that I would buy her one collar and then never buy her another one again? Okay, that saves us the trouble of having to find someone to do that.

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

raphaelleburkheart-d: And I bought you some clothes too, I have to keep my husband in season… Also I bought a new collar for Whit… But I swear.. That’s it. I already have someone in mind. Ben can do it, You guys can do it together because he needs something to do, and the both of you literally have no friends. You can bond with each other. It’s perfect. Thank you, you didn’t have to...

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

raphaelleburkheart-d: Perfect. I was thinking we could put in glass doors, more lighting, make it look more modern elegance. I’m thinking white or maybe cream? …. Anything else? You know, sometimes I think that you buy stuff just so we have to remodel… I’ll start looking for someone to do some design work to compliment the room.

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

raphaelleburkheart-d: Well… I did buy more shoes… I tried to stop myself, but I only bought two pairs.. It’s progress. I know. Progress?? I suppose… We are running out of closet space because of your shoes. We’re going to have to hire someone to expand it.

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

raphaelleburkheart-d: Errands, people like to call it running errands, besides, there was this boutique on main street and there was this dress and it screamed “Cruz” at me, so I had to buy it. Of course, I picked up Pad Thai on the way home. So there was nothing that you bought for yourself? Nothing that screamed “Raphi” at you? You’re the best.

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

ethan-richmond: Ah, so you’re used to it, then. That explains it the lesser worry a lot more. Spend it all on Doritos, that’s a good investment on your part. Well, I’ve learned to take a taste to shopping, it’s all about buying what you want and not excessively. It would be a good investment…. If my wife knew you said this she probably wouldn’t like you already. Not that...

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

raphaelleburkheart-d: Would you really think so lowly of me, Adam? … Besides… I got you something too. It’s not the first time you spend an entire day shopping… You got me something? Is it food?

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

ethan-richmond: You know, I can’t say that I blame you, then. That sounds like a relaxing time to me, days are always better when you’re not being nagged. Now that I know that, I say just bust out the Doritos and have a ball, she’ll show up eventually. Haha, then again, what do I know, I’m just thinking like a guy. It really isn’t as if this would be the first time that she does this....

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

ethan-richmond: Well, I think that might be an unfortunate predicament for those two credit cards from the sound of it, that’s for sure. Maybe you should be worried? She could have literally ‘shopped ‘till she dropped’. You have a point.. I really should be worried. But it’s not every day that I get to be home with the game on without her being worried that I’m eating Doritos on...

Is it bad that I have no idea where my wife is?

I just know that two credit cards are gone… She’s probably buried under a pile of shopping bags… I should be worried.

Aidagpi. You two are so cute.

the-natasha-hawthorne: Is that sarcasm I hear in your voice? I suggest a “yes m’am, you’re absolutely right.” I do have a series of very unfortunate pictures I stole from one of your photo albums while I was visiting once. I never knew you had a thing for disco… What are you talking about? I never had a thing for disco..

Aidagpi. You two are so cute.

the-natasha-hawthorne: Excuse you. Do I look like Regina George? I’d tear that bitch apart in under sixty seconds. You know what, just for the implication, you’re dismissed. No, you don’t look like Regina George. She does car commercials in Japan. Dismissed? Oh well damn, now I have nothing left to live for.

Aidagpi. You two are so cute.

the-natasha-hawthorne: Aiden, if you’re looking to be minion #1 I’m sorry to tell you the position has already been filled. Try again next year. But… I even bought a pink shirt to wear on Wednesdays…

Aidagpi. You two are so cute.

the-natasha-hawthorne: Finally, an admission that you value my opinion. I knew it. Natasha, I have always valued your opinion. I don’t know why there was ever a doubt in your mind.

My Wife Is A Couch Maniac

raphaelleburkheart-d: You’re a mess and I love you. I was just about to say the same thing to you. Except the part about being a mess.

Aidagpi. You two are so cute.

the-natasha-hawthorne: Yeah. I’m getting a toothache just watching you two. It’s disgusting adorable. I know right? So glad you think so.

My Wife Is A Couch Maniac

raphaelleburkheart-d: Your pants are on fire, Adam. …Wait, no they aren’t.

My Wife Is A Couch Maniac

raphaelleburkheart-d: You’re just saying that to make me feel better. I know you too are like, Best friends now. That’s not true, Raphaelle. I never even tune you out when you start going on and on about shopping trips.

Aidagpi. You two are so cute.

the-natasha-hawthorne: We are the definition of cute.

My Wife Is A Couch Maniac

raphaelleburkheart-d:

My Wife Is A Couch Maniac

raphaelleburkheart-d: What? Why?? He says you talk too much but I disagree.

My Wife Is A Couch Maniac

raphaelleburkheart-d: Well at least I know you still like showing me off. I love showing you off. The only unimpressed one is Griffin, I don’t think he likes you.

My Wife Is A Couch Maniac

raphaelleburkheart-d: Well none of that matters. You are which is why I was going to put you on the cover.

My Wife Is A Couch Maniac

raphaelleburkheart-d: I didn’t know you liked writing fiction, Mr. Burkheart. I don’t that’s why I’m writing a non-fiction book.

My Wife Is A Couch Maniac

The problem is I still love her for it. That’s the title of my first book.

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: I’m getting the skeleton key. I’ll jump to another room from the window.

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: adammburkheart: Door’s locked. Just go to bed. Open the door, Adam. No, go to bed. Whitney is waiting for you. Don’t keep her up.

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: adammburkheart: I don’t play fair. Then I’m coming into the guest room. Door’s locked. Just go to bed.

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: You can’t sleep in the guest room, that’s cheating. I don’t play fair.

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: Well you can always sleep on the floor, but unless you apologize for being me or bribe me with cake, I’m sleeping in this bed alone. Scratch that, Whitney and I are sleeping in the bed alone. I don’t think I’m apologizing. Have a good night, I’ll just sleep in a guest bedroom. I don’t have to settle for the couch or the floor.

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: Because I said so and if you think I’m sleeping on the couch after what you said, you’ve seriously lost your mind, jerk. Well it is your couch, then again I’m not being an ass and telling you that I’d make you sleep on it.

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: Hilarious. you’re hilarious. And you and your “ship” stains can sleep on my milk stained couch and you can come back upstairs when you learn something about 3 am sensitivity. Thank you, thank you. I’m here every day for daily comedy shows. No, why do I have to sleep on the couch that YOU stained at 3am because YOU didn’t want to sleep because YOU decided to...

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: Because I didn’t feel like sleeping. Also I don’t want to suck it up, I loved that couch. I picked it out myself, it went with the the decor and I’ve been protecting it from your gross ship stains for two years and now this happens. Sometimes I don’t even know what you’re talking about… But I’m sure we can find you another one that’s...

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: Adam, my couch! Cruz’s sippy cup fell open while I was cleaning… I just… I can’t… It was a twenty two hundred dollar couch. It was imported from Italy. I don’t know what you’re doing cleaning at 3 am in the morning. We can buy a new couch, suck it up. No, that is not a suggestion of what to do with the milk.

I got chocolate milk on the couch.

raphaelleburkheart-d: Oh god, it’s staining. You should probably clean that.

Where's the Baldwin Hills shit?

abelinacastello: I am apparently driving in circles for hours. I wish I could help you out with that but I don’t even know where it is. My location knowledge is limit.

Maybe there's a serial killer going around killing...

thieverytakestalent: Yeah, it’s just a super-pumped news story on TV until someone you know gets killed. Your old lady isn’t native to L.A., now is she? Said something about owning a French boutique, behaves all haughty and holier-than-thou like the French stereotype that actually holds a good portion of truth in it. She would definitely be a person a killer who hates non-natives would go after....

Maybe there's a serial killer going around killing...

thieverytakestalent: Entertainment is entertainment, even at the expense of other people. That’s true. Not really having concern for people that I don’t even know makes it a little more entertaining.

Maybe there's a serial killer going around killing...

thieverytakestalent: This would explain why everything’s so much quieter lately. That would certainly make things somewhat interesting. Not in a good way though.